If Tomorrow Never Comes

The lights are low, it always seems like night in here even though the sun is shining outside. The only sound is an artificial pump which makes a whooshing sound as it performs it's monotonous task of forcing oxygen and then removing it, from my mother's lungs. She is surrounded by machines. State of the art machines that can help people back to health and provide hope to patients and loved ones. These machines have the amazing ability to give compromised patients a second chance, to get back on their feet and continue living their lives. The machines are mostly quiet with the odd beep. 13 days ago I would stare at them endlessly, treasuring their little signals of positivity. They provided me with comfort and hope that my mom would get better and allow this little snafu to be a blip on her radar of irritating hospital stays. Her lungs haven't been good and she contracted a chest infection that progressed quickly. I was so grateful for those machines which allowed her to recover from the infection and soon she was breathing on her own again and the machines were wheeled away. She was almost back to normal when......

I got to the ICU and her bed was empty. She's in isolation. Speak to the head nurse. She has contracted a super bug from the hospital, MRSA. I know what MRSA is, it can be life-threatening, but isn't to most. It is for her. She deteriorated very quickly after the cocktail of antibiotics, necessary to fight this bug, were delivered intravenously into her frail body. The machines were quickly re-attached.

Two days ago my mom started behaving strangely and "hallucinating" and it took me a while to fully comprehend what was happening. She wasn't hallucinating, she was glimpsing the other side! She was "getting her affairs in order." She wasn't afraid but she didn't want to leave me. She wanted to watch my children grow. Lettuce was still so small she said. She told her older grandchildren that she would watch over them and wait for them on the other side. When we said we'd be back the following morning, she told us she didn't think she'd make it through the night. The next morning the machines alerted medical staff that her condition was unstable and there was a need to re-interbate (which she hated the first time) and so began a plethora of new routines to keep her alive and the machines happy.

Now, as I sit and watch the life slowly drain from the woman who is my everything, I find myself "wishing them further" as my mom would say. The lines on the graphs all do their job and show how her body is doing and spew out the statistics of her organs and blood pressure. She is maintaining. But I can see her, they can't. I can feel her, they can't. They don't see what I see. What my eyes see, but what my heart won't allow me to fully comprehend. Just like the drip in my mom's arm, the emotions are only dripping through me. Slowly. Drip. Drip. Drip. My brain knows it's all too much, I can't take it in all at once, so slowly the reality drips into my conscious and starts to move through my body until I begin to slowly piece it all together - all the drips add up. I don't want to even think it, but the thoughts and emotions keep dripping through me like somebody knocking louder and louder on the door, penetrating my consciousness. I want to be unconscious, like her and not have to feel what I'm feeling, but the dripping doesn't stop.

This lifeless lady who has been the only constant in my life since my very first breath, is about to take her last. I go cold each time this thought enters my mind and I force it back out. I want her to stay. There's so much still to do and say and experience. I don't want to do any of it without her. I don't want my children to have a birthday without her. I don't want to have a birthday or Christmas or Easter or ANY day without her. How do you say goodbye to the person who taught you everything you know - to walk and talk and read and sing and swim and dance and sew and roller skate and ice skate and knit and bake and play tennis and squash and badminton and Monopoly, to name just a few. This woman, who has single-handedly had the most profound impact on my life, is lying in front of me attached to machines that can't see her but they judge her constantly on a set of criteria programmed into their artificial brains. Those criteria are no longer important to me. 13 days ago they were the holy grail but today they are meaningless.

Those life-giving machines have become death-defeating machines. With every fibre of my being I want her to stay but I have to let her go. I have given her my permission and my blessing, if that is what she needs, but the machines keep going, methodically making her chest rise and fall as if she was breathing, circulating the oxygen around her listless body. Slowly her kidneys are shutting down and her body tissue is filling with the rogue liquid that cannot be expelled, but the machines keep taunting us, showing false signs of hope. Hope that has gone for me and my family.

I smile to myself as the reverend pulls out his smart phone with his bible on it to read some scripture to her and imagine what my mom would say if she could see it. The bible on a cell phone! That is ridiculous, the bible is a book, not a new fangled device! That is what it will be like from now on, imagining what she would have said.

I am sadly reminded of my mom saying that when it was her time to go, she wanted a quick "pop off" and hospitals are "for the birds," so watching her slowly fade away is nothing short of torture to us (and probably her too.) I want her to be shot of this hospital, of the disinterested nurses, of the pipes down her throat and up her nose, of the sewn-in/ stapled-in pipes in her jugular and her arm taking real-time blood pressure readings, of the oxygen measure on her finger, of the emotionless machines. I want her to be free. In my head I understand this but in my heart I don't want to know. This is the price of love and it's a huge price, but it was a huge love. That empty feeling in my soul is reminding me that in order for her to be free, I will be in my own tiny hell as my walls will close in, my world will become smaller and greyer and my soul will have a deep deep gash. Because, as selfless as I am giving her permission to fly to my dad, to her siblings, to her friends and family, I selfishly know that she'll be gone from me. What am I going to do when I fall apart and the only person who I need to help me through it can't be there? I'm going to need my mom!

Postscript

The day after I wrote this post, my brother and sister from overseas called and I put the phone next to mom on the pillow as they each said their final goodbyes. She made some small movements so I was able to determine that she had heard some, if not all of what they were saying. Both conversations were like the 3 of us having tea and a chat in her lounge. Some of it was chatty (between me and my brother or sister), most of it extremely emotional as my mom lay semi-conscious on the bed. On the call to my brother I asked how his wife's thesis was going because mom was always very keen for details and he told us that they were still waiting for the results - it's taken ages. At the end of that call, mom made some big movements which looked like she was trying to get up and move her arms. Once again I told her that she was restrained (so as not to pull the pipe out of her mouth - hospital protocol). I said "I know you don't like being like this" and she made huge shaking movements with her head and I could hear her shouting through the silence "No no no!! I told you I didn't want to be like this!" I held her swollen hand and gently said that I didn't want her to be like this either, but it was up to her. It was her choice. The machines would keep her alive even against her will. She had to decide to go.

That afternoon I visited again and she made no movement and I battled not to see the similarity of her lying in a hospital bed unconscious vs a coffin. She looked like she had already gone. I told her it was spring day and the flowers were beautiful and as soon as she was free she would be able to see them all. The sweet peas, my dad's favourite dahlias and all the new buds sprouting. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I had said it all. So I began to sing. I sang every song that I remembered she liked and only stopped briefly when the emotions got the better of me. I had to be strong for her. I kissed her goodbye and there was nothing. That night I couldn't bear to go back. I felt like she had already left.

The following morning my sister-in-law was informed that she had received her PhD! I was so thrilled for her and I knew my mom would be too. I phoned to congratulate her. I knew I needed to shower and wash my hair before I went to the hospital but I'd been chatting a bit long. Something told me to just go to my mom. When I got there and asked the usual question "So how is she sister?" I was not expecting the answer I got. "If there is anyone you need to call, you need to do it now. Her blood pressure is very low and her heart rate is falling. Although I had expected this at some point, when it happened, I started to shake uncontrollably. I couldn't dial my brother's number. The nurse offered to do it. I said no. I phoned and said "she's going, you need to come." I didn't recognise my own voice. I then phoned my brother in Australia and told him the same thing. He phoned my sister.

I played my mom a video of her granddaughters watching a cow eating. Her heart rate increased. I lay over her with my head on her shoulder, cradling her head. I whispered into her ear. I told her that we all loved her and that she had been a fantastic mom and we couldn't have wished for better, even when we fought, we knew she had our best interests at heart. I told her that my brother was on his way. He texted, he was stuck in traffic on the highway. I begged him to hurry, but then on second thought said rather be safe, I was there with her. Suddenly I remembered!! I sat bolt upright "Mom!! there's a doctor in the family!! LL got her PhD!" I shrieked, probably too loudly, and my mom moved her head and her mouth crept slightly upwards at the corners as if to smile and her heart rate increased. "I just wanted you to know before you go that she got it!" The sister who was watching through the glass, came in and gently warned me that this excitement would prolong her leaving. I lay over her and hugged her again with my ear on her chest and listened to her heart beat slower and slower and slower. I watched the numbers on the machine get less and less until finally it went to 0 and the blue line flattened. I whispered "goodbye mom" and then a noise came out of me that I didn't recognise and have never heard before. It was an animal sound which probably traumatised my mom because her heart began beating again! I hurriedly whispered in her ear "No. Don't come back, I'll be OK. Go, it's your turn to do what's right for you, it's your turn to be free." Then her heart stopped again and I cried and cried and cried as if my own had broken in two.

Mom it was an honour and a priviledge to be your daughter. You were there to hold and guide me when I took my first breath, allowing me to feel secure as I embarked on a journey that was scary and unfamiliar. And I was there to hold and guide you when you took your last breath, hopefully allowing you to feel secure as you embark on a new journey that is scary and unfamiliar.

RIP Mary Bayne. I will love you forever.

The grass is NOT always greener on the other side

South Africa VS the World
I consider myself fortunate to live in the beautiful country of South Africa. Many people residing outside of the African continent are unaware of South Africa's schizophrenic / bipolar tendencies. Meaning we are blessed / cursed with a combination of first world and third world populations residing side by side.  Does South Africa have problems? Oh yes! Do we have awesome weather? Not last week, it was freezing Yes! Are loads of people packing their bags and heading for greener pastures? For sure! Here in sunny SA we tend to think of first world countries as better, more advanced, with better educated citizens. However, recently this has been called into question (in my humble opinion) after getting an email from my sister who resides in the United States.

Humour History
At this point I think it only fair to warn you that my sister and I have been known to share the enjoyment of a bit of "toilet humour" from time to time [please note we did not, I repeat NOT inherit this trait from my mother who always has and will, try to encourage me to follow in her footsteps and be a lady. I needed to mention this due to the constant threat during my childhood of being sent to a finishing school. Apparently I'm still not finished - I'm a work in progress!] Yes I am that mother who snickers along with her children as they discover the joy of air expulsion from various parts of their bodies and I find some delicate situations so funny that I am rendered useless to assist a person in need. This has strained some friendships along the way. Let me give you a couple of examples of which I am not proud, but I still find extremely funny:

Bad Friend Alert 
In Standard 8 (grade 10) my friend and I were walking home after school and we came upon an open manhole. Without missing a word, I sidestepped the manhole, as I expected her to, but instead she disappeared down said manhole and I almost collapsed laughing. One second she was there and the next she was gone! I did eventually manage to get her out but she ended up having to go to the Emergency Room to have her entire leg bandaged - oops! This cartoon always reminds me of that incident. >>>>>>

Bad Mother Alert
Remember my post a few years back about hubby, trying to be spontaneous and throwing an Easter egg at 3 year old Bacon and it smacking her in the face? She burst into tears. Where was I? Was I comforting my crying child? No. I ran outside so that she wouldn't see me crying with laughter! Read Bacon and Eggs if you missed it.

So when I opened the email that my sister sent me, which was a photo of a sign, spotted on the gate of a public pool in first world California, I almost got my herbal tea to spray right out my nose!

The Sign

Now many many questions spring to mind when reading this sign (and none of them are pretty).

My first concern is that surely the sign would not have been printed if this wasn't a recurring problem in local pools - eeeewwww who knew??  Secondly, the word "active" has a strong link (in my mind) to a volcano, so I am pondering whether the author was deliberating over the use of the wording "active diarrhea" or "exploding diarrhea." Perhaps "exploding" would be seen as too inflammatory. It has not yet been verified whether "confirmation of non-activity" forms are required to be signed, as it would be easy to identify the culprit, unless there was more than one...... let's not go there! As the need for signs increase, the marketer in me begins to wonder whether perhaps there is a sponsorship opportunity for KOO or All Gold (or similar US baked bean brands) to "get in on the action."

Scene Re-enactment
I'm fascinated as to who, after spending most of the night perched on the throne, releasing half their body weight, would think "phew, thank goodness that's over, now let me hit the public pool."  Picture it - you're happily enjoying the cool waters of your local pool, when you lazily notice John* [not his real name] from down the road, enter the water. You don't take much notice but have a vague idea of him also swimming carefree, enjoying the pool, but suddenly he stops. What's wrong? A pained expression crosses John's face. Without warning there is a powerful surge and he is quickly engulfed by a brown cloud that is steadily increasing in size! Quick as a flash, John begins swimming, quite rapidly, in the opposite direction in an attempt to distance himself from the incriminating brown cloud which seems to be rushing towards your chrystal-clear section of paradise. It takes you a while to fully comprehend the gravity of the situation, but your mind harks back to the sign on the pool gate! Oh no, this is what they were warning you about!! You put Chad le Clos to shame as you race to the side of the pool and leap out of the water just as you hear the panic-stricken instruction over the PA system "CODE BROWN CODE BROWN!!" Mass hysteria follows. Everyone starts screaming as they scan the pool for the proximity of the brown cloud, mothers frantically search for their children and the pool is cleared faster than if there had been a shark in the water. While the swimmers try to squeeze 5 people under one shower head, the pool attendants have hastily cordoned off the pool area and their fecal cleaning operation has commenced. Damn that John not waiting the full 14 days!!

This brings me to........

Awkward Conversations
I can just imagine how this could start some really awkward conversations e.g.

"Hey John! Didn't you see the sign?"

Or better yet:

"Hi Stacey, I'm in your 10th grade maths class. Wanna meet me at the pool later for a swim?"
"Sorry Steve, it's only been 13 days......"
"What do you mean 13 days?  Oooh... um .... ok never mind." *delete number and wash hands*

A quick Google search provided another sign, which I found even more disturbing (if that is possible). Swallowing the water is also a problem! OMG!! this just gets worse and worse! Is this controllable? I'm assuming it must be, if you're warned not to do it. Often I'm in the pool and think "gee I'm thirsty, where could I get a nice cool drink? Oh wait...... I'm surrounded by masses of cool water, let me take a long cool drink of the water right next to me!" *NOT!!!*

I found this sign to be particularly polite. You can swim, but not right now. 14 days is not an issue for this pool. But this sends mixed messages. Do I want to swim here instead? Or do I prefer the safety of the 14-days-policy pool?

This got me thinking, do you remember this scene from the movie Caddy Shack? They drained the country club pool and then the problem was eaten? Hahaha loved that!

But seriously now, thank goodness someone had the presence of mind to introduce this sign, imagine what the pools were like before! Now I don't mean to muddy the waters (pun intended), but everyone knows the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" and perhaps you also know the amended version that it is only greener because there is more turd on that side?  Unlike some first world countries, in SA we like to keep our anal expulsions out of our pools. But don't get me wrong, we love our signs and when swimming is a problem we're the first to admit it. I've added a few examples.


You see. SA is not for sissies. We help you where we can (by advising you not to breathe under the water) and then leave it up to you, like in Port Alfred, if you get into trouble we tell you where you can get lifesaving equipment (you just need to go get it).

Last Word
In conclusion it is clear, that in South Africa we don't need poop signs for our pools because obviously we don't have this problem. Don't argue with me!! If there is no sign, there is NO PROBLEM!!

[Note to self: NEVER EVER EVER swim in a public pool ever again - with or without a sign!]

School Holidays - BLT Style

As quickly as they came, the school holidays went. It is unbelievable how quickly time can race when you're having a blast, and how slowly it can drag when you're not!  We had loads of fun this holiday. But it didn't start out that way.....

The challenge for me this holiday was to include fun activities for my BLT while increasing body strength and also sticking to the "rules" of Dr Aron - no swimming (easy because it's freezing cold here) no playing on grass and sweating was to be kept to a minimum. Also the rationing of colourants, preservatives and junk food was not an easy task for a 9 year old, but we try. I started off by drawing up a "wish list" (as us A-types like to do) of potential holiday activities. When I asked B, L and T what they wanted to do the most, they all agreed that going to the rides and playing the arcade games at our local entertainment complex, was the definite winner. I wasn't too keen because that would include almost no activity, but I wrote it down, begrudgingly.

For the first week the girls attended a holiday club arranged by one of the local churches. This was a bit of an eye-opener because I have such fond memories of going to clubs like this when I was growing up, but boy have they changed and not for the better! Each day was making a craft (how lovely - wrong!) the craft was a weapon for battle of their soul against Satan. These crafts ranged from making armour to swords and my personal favourite the "death by cross-bow" craft! The girls were petrified the first day when they were put into a room, the lights were turned off and they were told that they were in a dungeon. The idea apparently was to "come out of the dark" and find "the light of God." Hmmm well this had the quite the opposite effect with my two and I spent a lot of time explaining that they were born from love not evil (as they had been told at the club.) I also had to explain that it was not true that if they didn't "give themselves to God" they were going "straight to hell!" Needless to say we won't be going back there! I'm not sure what the church was trying to achieve with this method, but I honestly think biscuits, Oros, a few fun parables, bible stories and signing Kumbaya, would have gleaned more positive results.


On one of the first afternoons of the holiday, our home was like a mad house. Plumbers were busy replacing our geyser thermostat and I was deflecting an excited 3 year old away from the ladder that led up to the unexplored darkness in the ceiling. I sent him outside to play while I started making lunch (without water as it had been turned off while the plumbers worked). I asked Tomato for the umpteenth time to clean Peanut (her cockatiel's) cage. Usually we just slip out the tray and replace the paper but it needed a more thorough cleaning and she was loathe to comply. She was grumpy and stomping around wailing that nobody was helping her, when Lettuce arrived inside covered in paint from head to toe. I quickly stripped him and sent him upstairs to change, and started boiling the kettle to get hot water to rinse the paint off as. This proved to a worthless effort as the paint wouldn't budge. I then went in search of the source - the paint! I found a litre tin that was left behind by some contractors that we had used a few weeks before. It never occurred to me that they would leave any paint behind. #epicfail. I picked up the can of paint and quickly stashed it into the deep outside basin, out of reach of inquisitive little hands and went back to the boiling kettle and the half-made lunch. Tomato was continuing her rant. She hadn't been able to get the tap on outside and was sobbing that she was so tired and that her life was so horrible. I shouted calmly encouraged her to take the base of the cage outside and soak it for a bit so that all the gunk would get soft and easy to remove and I would help her when I was done. Off she went in a huff while I went upstairs to retrieve Lettuce who was of course on top of the ladder, naked!

We then heard "thud" and a strange high-pitched scream from Tomato! We all rushed to see what was wrong. While taking the paint can out of the basin to make place for her bird-cage soak, she grumpily decided to just throw it down on the cobbles to get it out of her way instead of putting it down nicely. When she did this of course, it burst open sending paint flying in all directions. The scream was due more to the horror of her anticipated punishment than what had actually happened. I actually became so calm that it was scary (even to me). I instantly dished out her punishment of no TV for the entire holiday, as I started to hose down the paint. Tomatoe ran sobbing inside. No such luck for her! I called her to get a wire broom and start scrubbing. We continued for over an hour until most of the paint had been washed away, taking turns to scrub and brush the floor and walls where it had splashed. So a light activity birdcage change that shouldn't have taken more than 10 minutes became almost 2 hours of hard labour. I pictured the 3 weeks of holiday looming in front of me like a prison sentence and dreaded what was to come. On the bright side, the activity had been strength-building and Hubby also had a good workout scrubbing with us!

Then I got thinking about the list we had drawn up..... the most exciting thing is to play games and go on rides..... these games and rides take tokens..... so my idea was born. They were going to earn their treat. Good behaviour = 1 token. The better they behaved, the more games and rides they could go on. First I got them to decorate their own glass jar with as much bling as they could smear onto it. Once the jars were complete, they were given the task of making tokens in any shape or form. That night we had a family meeting around the dining room table (so cute!) Hubby and I explained that they could earn tokens and they loved the idea!

• Get up, dressed, make bed, brush teeth and hair and have breakfast, leaving the kitchen tidy = 1 token 
• Bathing when asked and tidying their room, packing away clothes etc = 1 token 
• Eating dinner nicely, clearing up afterwards and going to bed without drama = 1 token

Then during the day they could earn extra tokens by:

• Being kind
• Helping when asked
• Helping without being asked
• Getting along with their siblings and not fighting

After explaining the token idea, we went on to discuss the shouting in the family and how we were tired of having to shout so much because they don't listen to us and how we are forced to shout to be heard. They agreed, they didn't like the shouting. We discussed how it makes us all feel sad. I introduced the "no shouting" idea which has been a game-changer! We will ask twice and then, instead of asking a third time and shouting, we would gently (actually very noisily, for effect) remove a token from their jar! They looked shocked, but they agreed, no more shouting. Well our lives became blissful overnight! If there was any trouble, I just mentioned the tokens and they stepped right back into line, helping and being kind to their siblings. Dinner dishes and pots and pans were whisked away and put in the scullery as we finished eating. We were continually asked if we needed help with anything and if there was any misbehaviour they would, amongst themselves, remind each other that they could lose a token. I wish I'd started this years ago! Star charts have nothing on tokens! Later I needed to tweak the rules a bit and add that they couldn't ask for tokens (that became annoying) and if they played with their tokens without permission, they were all taken away! I have only taken away 3 tokens, that's how well-behaved they were.

Ice skating

So the ground rules were laid and we were ready for some fun. Bacon, Tomato and myself were invited to an ice-skating party. PERFECT! No matter how fast you skate, you cannot sweat because the rink is freeeeeezing cold. I duct-taped my skates onto my RA-swollen ankles and hit the ice. No I'm not kidding about the duct tape! I did think that if my bag was checked and a roll of duct tape found, that I may be accused of being a potential kidnapper, but nobody noticed and the girls thought it was hilarious that my boots were taped on. We had a ball and the girls were skating quite nicely by the end of the party. They enjoyed it so much that we went twice during the holidays. It was great exercise for all of us. The second time I hobbled for a few days afterwards, but they were having so much fun and were so excited with their new-found skating skills, so as all parents do, we suck up the pain and enjoy their joy. Another fun activity was going to a beach volleyball party where Tomato was very nervous, but soon found that she enjoyed the game and left on a high, wanting to go back there too. She also had a date with daddy which is always a hit! Thereafter we went to a soccer party for Lettuce, so B, L and T were moving and shaking every day of the holiday, no lazing about for us.

Pandaleen sleeping on a cereal box

At home, they almost wore out the bottom of our trampoline, they jumped so much, and Bacon's newly acquired bear Fudgey was flung from one sibling to the next, along with the other fluffies in the different games. Needless to say that once school began, the injured fluffies were sent off to the Granny hospital for rest and repair. We also had numerous picnics and games in the garden. B, L and T even spring-cleaned their wendy house without me asking! I loved all the activities. We also picnicked at our park where we played soccer and made "dinner" from freshly scooped river ingredients. The long pieces of algae were the salad, sticks were located and packed together for the make-believe fire and I was handed a long stick. My "job" was to sit in the sun on a rock and fish. Dinner was algae salad and my imaginary catch-of-the-day! It was a lovely day apart from Bacon falling in at the end *snort* that was funny but I wasn't allowed to laugh. I purposefully left my phone at home to avoid distractions but that meant I also left my camera at home, so no pics. Keeping with the water theme we took the kids into the country to a farm stall that sells delicious pies, bobotie and homemade goodies. We bought lunch there and ate it at the pond, watching the ducks. B, L and T then made boats out of anything they could find, twigs, leaves, sticks and bark and had boat races across the dam. They made better and better boats as they learned what worked and what didn't. Tomato had a HUGE piece of bark with leaves as sails, so her last boat was very sturdy. Then on the way home we stopped at the local small airport and watched planes taking off and landing. This was hugely exciting!

Spring cleaning in winter

Making boats

Playing in the dam

When we got home from watching planes and playing in the dam, I decided to wash my car. I was about to offer tokens as a reward for washing both mine and hubby's cars, when I realised that they were DELIGHTED to wash our cars! We always have our cars washed at a car wash, so BLT had never experienced washing a car in their own driveway. It was a treat and one of their favourite activities of the day! Who knew? Lettuce was on wheel duty and did a really good job! Tomato was on window duty and Bacon the painted areas. Mommy was in charge of the hosepipe ha ha *evil laugh.*  We were all drenched by the end of the washing escapade and raced to bath when we were done to warm up. Fun.fun.fun.

We spent time with Mema, walking along the river she lives on and feeding the ducks, we baked, read bedtime stories and watched concerts with B, L and T as the star performers and had sing-a-longs. The girls went on play dates with their friends and we went to a restaurant with a play area to celebrate Bacon's birthday (again) because we couldn't go out on the night of her birthday due to the weather. We pretended to have load shedding (power blackout) as we don't have them as often as my BLT would like and they LOVE eating dinner by candle light. Yes I'm sure our neighbours think we are stark raving mad, but we don't care!

But always with fun, comes drama and if you've learned anything about my life, we are drama magnets! Each child had their own particular drama. We've discussed the paint incident with Tomato but Bacon (shame) had a mini-drama that made her so sad. I had taken B, L and T for their back-to-school haircuts a week before, to avoid the mayhem of the last minute weekend rush. Their hair all looked lovely and both girls had their hair clipped back with fancy clips. The next day Bacon was in tears because her hair was "funny" and true enough it WAS funny! The one side was much longer than the other and she was so upset. I took her back and a different hairdresser was on duty and said "even a blind man could see this is wrong" which made me laugh but Bacon was mortified! Once her hair had been evened out, she was even more upset because her hair was much shorter than she had wanted and couldn't fit into a ponytail anymore. Nothing that a lollipop, a balloon and a trip to the ice-rink couldn't fix!

Lettuce fast asleep under the bed!

The same night of the haircut, I was making dinner downstairs and B, L and T were upstairs all bathing together under the watchful eye of Dot-the-Domestic. I heard a loud thud and a cry. I listened to hear how bad the cry was. Allow me to interject at this point to explain that this is what I call "Third Child Syndrome." If we only had one child, I would have left the pots boiling over on the stove and raced upstairs before she could take a breath, but you realise, with experience, that the second scream is the true severity-of-injury identifier. The second scream alerted me to the fact that it was very sore but only when I heard Tomato shouting "blood!!" and her and Bacon getting out of the bath at a pace, did I hit the stairs running. I knew that Dot was there and really, I rationalised, how much damage can you do to yourself in the bath? I was not prepared for the scene that met me. Lettuce was standing up and Dot had her hand flat on the side of his head holding the wound and blood was pouring over her hand, down her arm and dripping into the water! The bath water looked like a scene from a horror movie, it was blood-red (excuse the pun.) Without giving it a second thought, I kicked off my shoes and got into the red water to hold my little boy. It took me quite a while to stop the bleeding enough to see if he needed stitches or not - thankfully not. There was about a 3cm gouge out of his head that fortunately wasn't very deep but man oh man did it bleed! Eventually I realised that the bloody water was freaking him out, so I let it out, put in some clean water with a huge dose of Dettol and between Dot and I we managed to wash the wound. He had tried to lie down in the bath (with the girls) and sat up suddenly hitting his head on the corner of the bath spout which is almost flush against the bath. Boys!!

Anyhoo, apart from the paint, hair and head issues, we had an amazing holiday. I see it as a "back to basics" holiday as the TV couldn't have been on for more than 4 hours the entire holiday and we had good, clean, old-school-type fun. Every night they crashed into bed and slept like babies because they were worn out! When we eventually got to spend the tokens, they enjoyed the outing so much more than before, knowing that they had earned their rewards and when we got home they begged to continue the token awards so that they could earn more while at school. I agreed.

This simple reward system has had a fabulously positive effect on our lives and family interactions. Please feel free to copy my idea and bring some peace to your home or a friend who could benefit. I was so sad when the holidays ended. Not only do I have to return to the 5.30am alarm clock, homework, extra murals etc, I really really miss my BLT!

7 Year Old Bacon

As the curtain gently closes on June 2015, I heave a huge sigh of relief. Why the dramatic sigh? Well June is notorious in my family for being "The Birthday Month." Yes there are 11 other unsung months but those pale in comparison to June. You see, in my family we have no fewer than 5 birthdays in this icy month which promises the shortest day and therefore warmer weather - ha! Never happens. Tomato starts off the birthday month, (then Father's Day, we won't go there) then Bacon and we end the month off with my mother, brother and sister all on the last day (yes, my mom had twins on her birthday, many moons ago.)  So even though 2 of these family members no longer reside in the same country, the month is still hectic.

June is usually a busy month without adding birthdays, so perhaps the added birthdays just serve to highlight my busy life, as I am pushed to the extreme. To be honest it is really the kids' birthdays that make me mind-bogglingly busy. Also, it is very strange, but when June rolls around, it is like a work magnet! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, far from it, I'm thrilled that I have been given a large chunk of work by my favourite company, but it always coincides with my hectic month. I remember a few years ago, I got a call (from said company) while I was standing in the cake decorating shop, getting supplies for the birthday cakes that year, begging me to get to the office as soon as I could, if at all possible. This was not the first (or the last) time that I had been asked to urgently attend an impromptu meeting, so the reason I remember this specific time and exactly where I was standing? Because it is the first and only time that I have EVER gone into a meeting on site in jeans, takkies and a t-shirt without any makeup and my hair in a high pony tail - not a pretty sight but I'm a sucker for anyone in need.

Anyhoo, I have been putting in a lot of hours, as well as lecturing and marking final exam papers, as well as planning and executing two birthdays and parties. It is interesting to me just how much baking I really have to do in June. Each child needs a birthday cake for their actual birthday, cupcakes for school and a fancy cake for their party. Now my children are generosity personalised and I really do love that side of them except when it impacts ME! I had to send 40 cupcakes to school for each birthday so that they could give to their own class, the friends who are not in their class and teachers and monitors that they like. *sigh* Sometimes I want to slap that big purple dinosaur who jovially taught them that sharing is caring!

The Birthday Wish List

So it was Bacon's turn to get all the attention when we celebrated her turning 7 whole years. She counted down the days and unlike her sister who shouts things from the mountaintops when she gets excited, Bacon is very quiet and reserved, so when I would kiss her goodnight and whisper 5 more sleeps, she would just quietly let out a soft little "eeek." She had her birthday wish list ready ahead of time but the gift that she just had to have, was, a giant teddy bear. The saddest part of her list is that she wanted a bunny for her birthday, not just any bunny, she wanted Fluffy, our pet who died last year - so heartbreaking.

Tomato had her party on the 6th and it felt like a blink of an eye before the cake mixer was moving at high speed towards birthday #2. I was mother-of-the-year as I allowed all 3 children to help sift, mix, break eggs and measure ingredients for the cupcakes, with zen-like calm. Each one of them got a turn to switch the mixer on and off  and each one got something to lick at the end - the bowl, mixing attachment or the spatula. I always imagine baking with my children will be like you see in magazines, with everyone clean and smiling and clean and working together and clean and the kitchen is clean and....... yes I like the picture in my head, and on the magazine page, but reality bites. The kitchen looked like the mixer had exploded when we were done, but it hadn't. Sleeves were caked in batter, hair was stuck together and faces were smeared (including mine), but the zen master (me) resembled the coolness of a cucumber for the entire baking time. We ended up with cupcakes for (what felt like) the entire school and the kids had a ball decorating with their favourite Smarties-Astro combo, but with vermicelli this time for added effect. As usual, more sweets ended up in their mouths than on the cupcakes, but they were having fun.

Bacon didn't really want I didn't suggest a themed party (you see I'm learning here) but Bacon chose Sophia the First invitations which we filled in and gave out to her little friends. She loved the place where Tomato had had her party, but she wanted to do painting with her friends. Simple and easy.  Bacon asked for a bunny cake. On further investigation, I discovered she wanted a family of bunnies - a mom, dad and baby bunny on the grass. Knowing my creativity is SERIOUSLY lacking in the play dough/ plastic icing department, I quickly got on the horn to my sister-in-law who was born to make these things and within 2 minutes (I'm not joking here, it may have been less than 2 minutes) she had sent me a prototype made out of plasticine (which everyone obviously has on hand *not*) to get Bacon's approval before proceeding!! The deal was sealed and viola the decorations were sorted but they needed to go on a cake. That's where I come in. People wonder why my Kenwood mixer becomes a counter-hog because it never gets packed away in June, and this is why.

In the car. Buckled up tight. Important merchandise.

So we set to work to make our princess feel special on her birthday. First, I went to purchase the giant teddy and we had a few selfies along the way. He is huge and I sat him in the seat in the trolley like a child and I did get a few strange looks, but to be honest I often get strange looks, so it may not have been the bear.... Once in the car I sent this selfie of me and Big Bear to Hubby saying "I have the merchandise, all buckled up and ready to go for tomorrow." He never responded. I then wondered why my client sent me a message saying "I hope I'm invited tomorrow." I thought she'd been drinking! What work meeting had I planned on Bacon's birthday that I had forgotten about and worse, I had forgotten to invite her to her own meeting?? My mind was racing!! But fortunately the blonde in me does this all.the.flipping.time so I quickly understood why Hubby hadn't responded. Eeeek!!! Am I the only one who does this? And what's worse, is that I often send the wrong messages to work colleagues, I hardly ever mess up when it's a friend who would just laugh it off *sigh*. I've sent a message to the owner and MD of one of the biggest speciality stores in the country and one of my biggest clients at the time saying "I've just landed, can't wait to see you!" I had just landed from a trip to Ireland and sent that message to Hubby, but apparently not. I wanted to earth to swallow me whole when he phoned me back. My mom once said "keep your name circulating whether it is good or bad, make sure you're remembered." Well I think I've got that covered! Making friends and influencing people - that's me!

Arriving home

So little Miss Bacon awoke on her birthday to her room filled with huge pink balloons. She got dressed at lightning speed so that she could get to the pressies. Due to the size of Big Bear, he wasn't wrapped, he was hidden under a blanket and a trail of presents led up to and under the blanket to his feet. She was so excited. How do we know? She was letting out controlled little eeeek sounds and hopping up and down, which means she is popping with excitement. After a fun morning opening presents and Nutella on toast for breakfast (sorry teachers) she went, armed with her cupcakes to school. Turns out 40 was too many (really? I'm shocked!) although Tomato managed to dish out her 40 but she likes to give to anyone and everyone whereas Bacon is a bit more reserved. One of the teachers hugged her and wished her Happy Birthday and she was thrilled. Her teacher gave her a birthday card and she got a sweet from the principal, so all was right in her world.

Bunny picnic

Granny and Grandpa did the pick-up and the girls were taken to a toy shop to choose some gifts. Oh boy were they excited and they came home with a fantastic array of gifts. Spaghetti Bolognaise was the dinner request from the birthday girl and desert was left over cupcakes from school. Even with all the sugar, sleep came quickly with Bacon's head firmly planted on Fudgey's tummy for the night. When I kissed her goodnight she hugged me so hard and said "Thank you for Fudgey Mommy, he's the best present ever." #heartmelts

So the birthDAY was over but the party day was not. School broke up, so everyone was excited (especially me not having to wake up at 5.30am for 3 weeks). I set about collecting the decorations and making the cake. Hubby did the delicate icing and we all had fun helping to make a bunny picnic on the cake. ONE.MORE.SLEEP.

Painting is hard work

The next morning 6 little girls ended up on one of the coldest, windiest days of the year, huddled together in a little craft shop, carefully painting their ornaments. There were bunnies, teddies and a dragon chosen and painted. They all loved the cake (nothing beats homemade cake and butter icing - NOTHING!!) The lady who teaches the kids how to do the painting, said she hardly ever gets home made cake with proper icing.  Before we knew it, the 3 hours were up and the parents were arriving to collect their children and we were headed home, armed with beautifully painted bunnies to open more pressies. We had a VERY happy little 7 year old!

More pressies

So the last 3 birthdays were pretty uneventful due to the geographical location of the twins and the disinterest of another birthday from Mema. The Kenwood mixer has now been packed away, together with all the icing paraphernalia, and will only be brought out for the next birthday extravaganza which happens to be for Lettuce in October. I get a bit of rest in between and his party is always a lot warmer than the girls'. Talking about Lettuce, you may wonder why he didn't get to go on the toy shopping trip, shame why was he left out? Well he got a handmade train from Grandpa and boy does he love it!! He packs and unpacks it all day long. What else has he been up to? Well here are a few pics which may give you some idea.

His sisters married him off! Casanova-kiss!

We went to the zoo

Each block hand-crafted by Gramps 

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9 Years Later.....

When it comes to parenting, no truer words were spoken than "the days are long but the years are short." The days become a blur of wake up, breakfast, school, lunch, extra murals, homework, dinner and sleep and then without warning, another year has gone. It is always a bittersweet time when my children have a birthday. I reflect on the year that has passed and wonder what the new one will bring, happy that they are doing well, but sad, knowing that they are getting older, and getting older means becoming more independent. As an exhausted mother of young children, sometimes independence is an unattainable goal only found in our dreams, where we can sleep late on a Saturday morning and spend the weekend doing what we want to do instead of what we have to do. But I am well-aware that we have limited time before the hormones begin to change and my sensitive, caring little girl who loves to play with her dolls and teddies and sends me notes telling me how much she loves me, is going to change into a tween, controlled by emotions, drama and bodily changes. I worked with a mom who was so super-busy that she missed out on her son growing up. She told me "don't wish their lives away, try to enjoy them each day because each day will pass and tomorrow they will be older." Her words echo in my head often,

Looking back over the last year, Tomato has come such a long long way. Last year her skin was way out of control and she was regressing developmentally from the constant infections, lack of sleep, chronic medications and missing a lot of school. She was hospitalised for 4 days due to infections not related to her skin, but which caused her to skin to erupt and she reached an all-time low emotionally, physically and psychologically. Once her skin healed, she became a new child. [I will post an eczema update on another post soon.]

Over the past 6 months, Tomato has improved in leaps and bounds! She is much happier and healthier and her emotions are under control (for most of the time). She is a caring big sister, always ready to help her little sister read and practise her homework "reading words" with her. She hugs more, sings in the shower and is happy and joyful. She has taken to drawing more often and she has always loved to do crafts which keep her busy for hours. She won an award for being the most improved learner, a merit award and her teacher gave her a maths award, which increased her confidence. We still have a long road ahead with little Tomato as you can't rebuild the lost years in 6 months, but from the beginning of this year she has blossomed and I am confident that we are going to see continuous improvements.

So the birthday was looming and Tomato was super-excited to be turning 9 (although she wasn't happy that time-out was now going to increase by another minute - lol). So it started with......

The Birthday List

• A puppy
• Build-A-Bear
• An iPad Mini 
• Art supplies
• Crafts
• Money
• Lindor Chocolate Balls (the gold pack)
• Chewing gum
• Chocolate fondue
• The Pizza man come to deliver pizza on a motorbike
• Shoe shopping with Granny 

Due to her allergy to dogs, a puppy was not an option and an iPad Mini was also not going to happen. She didn't really seem to mind about the iPad but she was very upset about the puppy, She got everything else on her list - happy-days!!

I really felt bad about not being able to get her a puppy for her birthday and then a friend on Facebook was looking for a home for a cockatiel. I grew up with an aviary of cockatiels, so I just had to convince hubby, and we were off to fetch Peanut, Tomato's new pet. Not quite a dog but she was thrilled!! It also made her very happy that we "saved' Peanut, because he was homeless!! She does make me laugh.

Peanut

The Lead Up
Leading up to her birthday, I took Tomato to see the live show of Mama Mia and she was blown away! She felt so grown up, dressing up and going out on a school night to a grown up show. She immediately became an avid Abba fan and now watches the movie often. Even her little brother Lettuce sings Dancing Queen in the dark when he's supposed to be trying to sleep lol.

ABBA outfit and boots

Just like her mom, Tomato likes a looooong drawn out birthday. She had a good excuse because my sister, her husband and 2 little girls came for a visit, so it all started 10 days before her actual birthday, with a surprise visit to Build-A-Bear after school, which was the gift from my sister and family as well as a dress for her new bear! I thought she was going to pop with excitement! My brother "Dorothy from Oz also came for a couple of days, so this was the perfect opportunity for an early birthday celebration, so the family got together for lunch and we planned a little surprise birthday tea for Tomato with a cake, candles and presents. The SA cousins gave her an ABBA outfit - heaven on earth!

The Birthday

Bird nests for school

Pressies on birhday morning

Then it was her actual birthday, she got all her gifts early in the morning before school. We had made bird nests out of chocolate crunchies, with Mema the day before and added speckled eggs. She took these to hand out to her class. Granny fetched her and Bacon to go shoe shopping and came back with red suede, high heeled boots! That night we had her favourite pizza for dinner (the man came on his bike came to deliver) as well as a chocolate fondue which was her dream come true, dipping fruit into melted chocolate. Seeing as we are pretty much sugar-free and junk-free at home, this was the biggest treat ever!!

The Party
Then it was the party...... Tomato wanted to have a party where she and some friends could do crafts together. My fabulous sister Lollipop located a place close by which offered mosaic parties. So I took Tomato to see the place and we chatted to the lady and we booked.

The party was an enormous success and the most stress-free party ever, I wish I could do something similar every year! Hubby, Lettuce and I got to sit down and have tea at the tea garden opposite, while the mosaicing lady took the girls through the ins and outs of mosaic and then we came back to cut the cake and say goodbye to the friends. Each child chose their own shape and got to take it home all done, ready to hang up.

Tomato's mosaic (the middle is made up of blocks of mirror)

The cake that she "needed" was a rainbow mosaic cake" so I had my work cut out for me. I got Mema involved again and together we cut up all the plastic icing into little blocks, then I baked and iced the cake and hubby and I did some mosaicing of our own, which was actually a lot of fun. We finished late the night before the party, so Tomato was asleep. In the morning she went to see the cake and came upstairs to say "Thank you, thank you mommy, my cake is beautiful! She had made the orange flower in the middle and the little ones that I stuck all over. She had asked me to put them on her cake but she obviously thought I wouldn't so she was over the moon as it was exactly as she had imagined it.
[sidebar - to any of my eczema friends or moms with children who suffer from eczema, please note, we did NOT eat these coloured blocks!! That would send Tomato's skin into a major flare! I cut off the colours and some of the icing before serving.]

As I mentioned, my sister and her family came to visit and stayed with us for 2½ weeks. It gave us an insight into what it was like when we were kids and the 6 of us went to visit my cousins in CT and we all stayed in their house - 7 children and 4 adults!! We had a household with 5 children and 4 adults and it was organised chaos haha but we had so much fun and the cousins loved playing together. It was also so great to be able to spend so much time together instead of a whirlwind visit where we hardly get to chat.

My brother-in-law said "children attack everything with such passion" and if you take the time to watch them, it is fascinating. Everything is exciting and they are full of wonderment at new things, which to us seem uninteresting and even dull, such as a bouncy ball, the inside of a toilet roll holder filled with rice or a box made to look like a car. Our little Lettuce loves watching wheels go round. Sometimes we are so busy doing things that have to be done, we miss out on their excitement while we herd them through the daily duties.

So this year, as Tomato enters her last single-digit year, I am going to try my best to hold onto each sweet moment, each time she says "I love my mommy" or hugs me or wants me to lie in bed with her, or just cuddle and remember what people used to tell me "enjoy them while they're small because they grow up so quickly."

Happy Birthday my beautiful little Tomato. I couldn't be more proud to be your mommy.

Lettuce trying on the boots lol

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A Doctor's Proven Home Cure For Arthritis

In September 2013 I was knocked sideways with a diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis (actually it's not true RA but one of the 5 different types - Psoriatic Arthritis, but even my Rheumatologist refers to it as RA as it is the one that most people understand). The reason mine is a bit different, is that the symptoms are the same but I have a few other issues as well including fibromyalga. Needless to say I was shocked and in disbelief so I went for a second opinion, only to be told that the first opinion was in fact correct - bummer!

My left index finger

My right index finger

So I started off on the usual cortisone, methotrexate, anti-inflammatories, calcium and folic acid.Within months I was battling to walk and went back and went back and went back to my rheumy. Each time the medication increased along with my nausea and side effects, the worst being nausea and chronic fatigue. It's not easy to be chronically exhausted when you have 3 small children, the smallest being a toddler when I was first diagnosed! Even more difficult is getting 10-12 hours sleep as the doctor suggests!! Anyway I bumbled along for over a year, enduring the blood tests and the handful of meds that I had to take twice a day, waiting impatiently for my RA to go into remission. It hasn't.

RA is an auto-immune disease that is degenerative and causes a lot of pain and suffering without much to see in the beginning. Although I am riddled with pain, the only thing that is visible is the index finger on my right hand. Even this one finger has impacted me in many ways, It is difficult to prepare food as I can't cut food like gem squash, butternut or even cucumber, tomatoes etc. Sometimes hubby has had to cut my steak, open jars, bottles and even helps me tie up Bacon and Tomato's hair for school and tie their shoes, because that is just excruciating. My very lowest moments are when I can't even dress myself as lifting my leg is too painful. Fortunately I have the most amazing hubby who never complains when I ask for help, although I hate asking.

As you can see, from these pics, my finger is very swollen up to the second joint and sometimes feels like it is going to explode. I have tried to ice it, heat it,but nothing helps and I find that I now do everything without that finger and I have had to accept that my days of playing the guitar are over.

In December last year, my daughter who had had severe eczema for the last 5½ years, was healed by a doctor who had a different method to other doctors. You can see that post here if you missed it The Day I found Dr Richard Aron and Our Healing Journey Began This got me thinking. Maybe mainstream doctors only know one way and they keep trying the same things, hoping it will work but maybe there are other treatments for RA too, similar to what I had discovered with Dr Aron for my daughter.

I was invited to a dinner party in January this year and met a lady who also had RA 35 years ago and cured herself! Well, I was all ears. She told me to find a book called A Doctor's Proven Home Cure for Arthritis by Dr Giraud W. Campbell and follow the diet in there, like she and many of her friends had done. She warned me that it was going to be a huge lifestyle change, which she herself only made when she could hardly walk due to the RA. She told me that I would be eating a lot of organ meat *gulp* and that basically I had to be in enough pain to try this approach. I got home and ordered the book immediately. It was a bit of a shock to the system, reading that book and I had to really build up some courage to take the first step. Once I had decided, it took me a while to source the food required but eventually I was able to start on 10 March 2015. This is my journey......

Raw liver

DAY 1
Eat NOTHING from morning to night.
8 glasses of mineral water should be consumed on this day

That was easy enough!
Hubby then prepped the liver for tomorrow.

DAY 2
Oh boy it's here. The day where I should be thrilled to eat after a day of fasting but it fills me with dread as I am going to face eating liver for the very first time. The mere thought of it fills me with dread. This morning, I went shopping for this 7-day plan and it wasn't as easy as you'd think. I found prune juice which I drank in the car and organic bananas at Woollies so I was on a roll - breakfast sorted.

But now it is almost 2pm and I need to face the music, bite the bullet and go and cook and eat the liver. Wish me luck.....

Liver and salad

Ok liver was gross. Not as gross as I'd thought but gross anyway. Honestly though I think that it was all in my head. I had worked myself up into such a state of disgust that I gagged trying to swallow it. I realised that I have never thought before swallowing a toasted cheese, so why was I battling to swallow when I knew this was going to be so good for me? The mind is a strong thing! Next time will be better but I'm trying desperately not to think about tomorrow's kidney.

The remaining "blood"

DAY 3

Kidney

Now what I should mention at this point, is that all meat needs to be eaten as raw as possible. I like my meat well-done and I don't like to see or taste blood, so this was going to be a huge challenge. As you can see from my first attempt at liver, it wasn't raw enough.

All I remember about kidney when I was growing up, was the fact that I could smell it a mile away and it smelled revolting, so again I was in for a bit of a challenge. Hubby (thank goodness) took all the membranes off the offal and prepared it for me with a huge salad. I honestly couldn't eat it. I eventually resorted to holding my nose (like we used to do on Veldschool back when I was 13) so that I could get it into me. Each time I swallowed I retched and it took everything in me not to vomit it back up aagghhhhh it was so grose! But I was damned if this was going to get the better of me. So no matter how bad it tasted, my mind was stronger than that horrible food, so I continued.

DAY 4

Raw inside

Looked good

Yay today I get to eat fish. But as raw as possible. Now again, I love sushi if it is surrounded by rice and smothered in wasabi and served with loads of pickled ginger but sashimi on its own has  never appealed to me. Sorry for me. I better enjoy it while I can because later I"ll again be enjoying trying to eat more liver.

DAY 5 

Liver frickedels

Raw inside

Woohoo liver again *sigh* not nice but the diet says brain, which I just cannot do, so liver it is. This time hubby decided to mince up the liver and mix it with onions and green peppers and lightly fry the outside so that it would look like a patty. Surprisingly this was easier to eat, although to be honest, I am now holding my nose for every meal. Oh how I wish I was one of the people who loved offal.
Even the word "offal" sounds like awful doesn't it??

Gotta see blood 

DAY 6
Thank goodness today is prawns. But have you ever had prawns without lemon butter sauce or at least a dip of sorts? Not so pleasant. But I ate a whole lot because as bland as they are, they don't taste horrible. Sad that the happiest part of my day is having a tablespoon of black strap molasses which is hectically sweet and tastes a bit like liquorice but it has to be taken with brewers yeast so that's a turn-off!!

DAY 7

Lightly sauteed sea bass (raw inside)

More kidney was on the cards, but seeing as you cannot freeze the offal (as per the book) I had to exchange it for raw fish as the organs were getting too old to eat raw. Hubby made me some fish and just the warm fish made me feel better, even though it was raw and cold inside, but I realised I just wanted something warm and that my mouth could identify!


The book says continue until the heat and swelling have reduced. Hmmmm not much happening with the heat, swelling and pain, so I better do another week.

So I did another week and 2 days. When I got to the point where I couldn't swallow the kidney, even with my nose closed, I realised it was time to ease off. I contacted the lady who first told me about this way of eating and she said I needed to continue in a similar way for at least 3 months to see results, so that is what I am going to do. I will eat organic food and incorporate organs into my diet twice a week, but I need to start eating normally again. It is sooo tempting to eat the same food as the rest of the family, but I have come too far to turn back now. This needs to become a lifestyle and that is what I am going to aim for.

My fridge looks amazing packed full of fresh organic produce and I am learning where to buy organic produce, raw milk and where the nearest butchery is that sells grass-fed meat and organs. Unfortunately none of these are close to us, so it has taken a bit of driving to get everything. One thing for sure is that this has been an enormous learning curve!! Interesting to note, that the medical profession do not believe that diet has anything to do with RA or any other disease, I think differently.

What I know for certain is that the cr*p that is being put into our food at every level, is harming all of us, but in different ways. For some it is visible (like my finger) but for some the disease is growing inside and may only surface in years to come as cancer, diabetes, an auto-immune disease or worse. I strongly believe that although everything has been passed by the FDA, all the colourants, pesticides GMO foods and additives that are being put into our bodies day in and day out will have to have an impact at some point. I think our bodies can only cope with very small amounts of these chemicals and not on a daily basis like is becoming the norm. Looking back it is amazing to see how far I've come.

This is not the end, it is just the beginning of my journey for a pain-free existence. If you would like to continue following me on my journey, become a follower of this blog or sign up to receive an email notification each time I post.

Post Script November 2015
In August I went to my Rheumatologist for my routine check up. My inflammation levels had come down from 26 to 3. I was stunned, she was stunned. The norm is 5. I told her that I had taken myself off my DWARDS and was only on the Methotrexate. All the pain was gone and my swollen finger had become almost normal. I had to laugh when she said "diet is not a proven remedy for this disease, however in your case it seems to be working."

My mom contracted MRSA (a superbug) whilst in hospital and I was required to wear a HAZMAT suit each time I visited as it is highly contagious. My mom's story can be read here. As Methotrexate kills my immune system, I didn't take them as I was worried about the MRSA with my compromised immune system and to be honest, often I would just throw off the suit to touch my mom. After my mom passed away from MRSA, the hectic weeks that ensued, I forgot to resume the Methotrexate and realised that my pain hadn't returned. I am now drug free (haven't told my Rheumy yet) but I'm feeling great. Hard work = great reward.