Lettuce (6): Mommy what can I blow up?
Lettuce: I want to fly. But I don't want to be a bird because I don't want to have to eat vomit when I'm small.
Bacon wanted to ride on the kiddy rides at a restaurant. I told her that she should use her own money for that. Her response "I don't want to waste my money." I laughed and replied "Then why should I use mine?" Her response? " You waste yours anyway on stuff like food."
Tomato: "Are you going to have any more children?"
Me: "No. Three is plenty. Why?"
Tomato: "We need 2 more children because in my game I need a servant and a dog."
Bacon and Lettuce were annoying me at dinner time by pretending their food was alive and the food on Lettuce's fork was talking to the food on Bacon's fork. I told them to stop playing with their food and eat properly. Lettuce asked if his food could say goodbye to Bacon's food before they stopped playing so I reluctantly agreed. Lettuce's food says to Bacon's food "Bye bye see you in the toilet!"
Lettuce, as I was dropping him off at pre-school "Mommy when you fetch me, remember I'm the one in the white shirt." then he thinks for a bit and adds "it might be brown when you fetch me but it will still be me."
I say "who wants to be of assistance in the kitchen?" Bacon shouts, jumping up and down "me, me!" I happily thank her and ask if she's ready to start and she says "what's assistance?"
Bacon and Lettuce are in the car and discussing the fact that Autumn leaves the trees naked. Lettuce asks Bacon "what happens if a tree needs to get married in winter? It will have to be naked!" Bacon smoothly responds "But it'll marry another tree, so that tree will also be naked and all the guest trees will be naked, so it'll be fine."
Lettuce was zipping and unzipping a pencil bag and said dreamily "hmm zips are magical!"
Lettuce was learning about white couples who adopt black babies (like his friend.) Then he saw a bi-racial couple and he asked innocently "wow, when did she adopt him?"
I was on the phone when I heard the words that I never thought I'd hear..... "Mommeeeee!!! Lettuce is peeing on us from the balcony!" Sure enough that is what he was doing. When I reprimanded him he said solemnly, "I wasn't aiming at them."
Lettuce (5): If you don't let me watch TV I'm going to shake my p#nis at you!
I cut Lettuce's hair very short and I can't stop feeling it. When he wasn't listening and spent some time in time-out, which he hadn't for a while, I went to explain why he was on the step and he said he understood but as I walked away he said "but now you're not allowed to touch my hair anymore!"
Tomato (10): Nobody wants to play with me, I have no friends (crying)
Bacon (8): I've got no friends so I play with my shadow
Lettuce (5): why does everyone want to play with me? I'm only one person, I can't play with EVERYONE (crying)
Lettuce (4): Mommy were you friends with daddy when you got him?
Lettuce (4): Daddy's p#nis is all bumpy but mine is smooth and nice. I like my p#nis
Lettuce trying to say "pyramid" and calls it "pyramint" "parachute" is a "parrot shoot"
Lettuce remembering that he got a car at Mema's somnil (funeral).
Tomato moaning about homework "aaagghhhh I'd rather eat spinach than do this!"
We changed the tunnel configuration of Super-stripe the hamster's cage. BL and T had to put the cage back on the counter. Panic ensued because it wouldn't fit under the cupboard where it usually sat. By the time I got there Tomato was saying "wow Lettucy that is VERY clever" he had told them to turn it around so it slid under easily. He is only 3.
Bacon had a friend over to play. Tomato kept taking over so Bacon was in tears. I had to take Tomato aside and explain to her that it is her sister's turn to play with her friend and to let them play their own games. Tomato went upstairs and started mournfully singing "do you wanna build a snowman?"
I was teaching the kids to sing Kumbaya. So I sang the line and then pointed to each child to sing the "Kumbaya" bit. The girls each did theirs and then when it came to Lettuce, he couldn't quite understand the word so he sang "cucumber." It was so cute but when we all laughed he went and sat on the step and cried.
My little dude (3yo) runs into my office, puts this down on my desk and whispers urgently "mommy, look after my snail" before running off. Lol
Every morning on the way to school there is a man handing out pamphlets on the road. The kids have made it into a game to get a pamphlet. Lettuce got his first one and brought it home saying "I got my pamflip"
Tomato complaining that she doesn't want boiled eggs for lunch any more. "They make me toot (fart) and then the toot smells the same as the egg!"
When I went to check on Lettuce tonight he had put on his own socks and new shoes!
Lettuce was playing nicely with an older boy, the brother of Tomato's friend. Then he asked him "will you marry me?"
Lettuce came running inside shouting excitedly "Daddy's got new wheels!" (he is crazy about any kind of wheel). When Hubby came inside he explained sheepishly "I took my car for a wash and now they're silver again instead of black!"
Overheard tonight Tomato telling Bacon "I really love my bed but I love chocolate too" like mother like daughter!
Every time we drive past a Mercedes Benz van, hubby ooohs and ahhhs over it and the kids now point them out whenever we see one. Tonight while I was lying with Bacon she asked me why Daddy didn't buy the van and I told her because it is very expensive. She thought for a while and said "Daddy can have all of my money that I've saved in my piggy bank, there's quite a lot in there." Awwwww
In the car Tomato (8) was telling us a story about her friend, when she added "well she wasn't really a friend, more of an acquaintance really." Hubby and I had a chuckle because we didn't even know that she knew the word acquaintance, but she had used it correctly. Bacon who was dozing, heard us chuckling but hadn't heard what Tomato said so she shouts out "what is so funny about coitis??" Well then hubby and I collapsed!!
Lettuce runs into hubby's office while I was working in there and says "I want the mini mote with the pink button" he means the remote control for the air conditioner.
I said to Lettuce "go to the toilet before bed" to which he replied
"I did already!"
"When I was in the bath with Bacon" Oops!
Bacon was complaining that she couldn't brush her hair on her own because it had too many knots in it. Meanwhile her brother was happily brushing his short hair without a problem. He turned to me and said "girls have a lot of snots in their hair, but not boys! Boys have no snots!"
Lettuce had removed his pants and undies and was standing bare-bummed, holding his pants over the sprinkler nozzle which was spraying, making his pants soaking wet. Tomato came outside and saw this and said to us "geez guys, you really did a good job raising him, now didn't you!!?"
Overheard this morning "don't worry Lettuce, we'll just hide your p.enis so that you look like a girl!." The girls were playing Mommy and they wanted a girl baby! Not sure how they were going to do this! *hiding the duct tape*
Dot-the-domestic was ill for almost 2 weeks so we had to fend for ourselves (shock-horror) so when daddy came downstairs in the nude, the kids were a little taken aback. He went to the clean-but-not-yet-folded laundry basket to rummage through for clean undies. Little Lettuce was behind him, watching him leaning over the basket and said innocently "daddy why does your p$nis look like an ice-cream?" We all collapsed laughing! Dad loved it when he added "a BIG BIG ice-cream!" LOL
"Privates" seem to be a hot issue at the moment. I was changing Lettuce's nappy and Bacon was there. She said "you've got a baby p$enis boy" to which he replied " I got a big big p$enis" Dad was again thrilled to hear that Bacon responded with "no Bubby, Daddy's got a big one but yours is a little one."
Last night little Lettuce had another night terror. When I got to him he was sobbing. I picked him up and cuddled him and he just kept repeating over and over again "Mommy! There's no yoghurt in the fridge! There's no yoghurt in the fridge!" Obviously catastrophic for the little guy to run out of his favorite treat.
Today Bacon caught sight of herself in my rear view mirror as she got into the car. She smiled at her reflection and said so innocently "God made me so beautiful, and I'm quite cute too!!"
- What does education mean?
- Why do we blink?
- Does 2 plus 2 equal 4?
- How does a car go?
- Why do you have to turn the steering wheel?
- Why do we have to breathe?
- Why do we need snot?
T: I love you more than the salt in the ocean
B: I love you more than purple
T: I love you more than the stars in the sky
B: I love you more than my purple shoes
T: I love you more than the whole world
B: I love you more than my boots
T: I love you more than Spur!
I think they love me :-p
I say to Lettuce: "thank you my chicken" he says "I not a chicken, I Lettuce!"
Later I say "hello sweetie" he says "I not a sweetie........ I want a sweetie"
Dot-the-domestic says "Hello Baby Boy" he replies "Hello Baby Dot"
Now it's "Hello Big Boy" - he says "Hello Big Dot"
"Thank you for giving me the name Tomato mommy, it's a really lovely name" awww how cute is that?
After I excitedly pointed out the Gautrain to Tomato, she asked "why do they call it a cow train?"
Bacon: "Mommy why did God put you in charge?"
Tonight hubby and I were kissing in the kitchen. The girls were horrified! Tomato was shrieking "eeeeeew stop!!" We carried on to see what they would do so Bacon had her hands over her eyes and asked her sister "has it ended yet?"
You know you're living in the techno-age when you're reading a story and your 4yr old shouts "pause" so she can run to the loo and then comes back and shouts "ok play again"
Tomato was holding a snail inside Aroma Cafe so hubby told her that the snail is asking to be put outside. So she rolled her eyes and said "well how am I supposed to know that? I don't speak snail!!"
Tomato to her baby brother: "Lettuce! Don't stick your finger in my belly button! I used to poo out of there when I was in mommy's tummy!"
Tomato: "Oooh look at that big ball". Hubby: "That is the radar tower for the airport" *silence* then a little voice "Daddy, are you talking to me?" Bacon chimes in "what's the big idea?"
Me: Daddy is going to be very cross if you don't go to sleep
Bacon got very upset when I called her Bacon - "that's not my name!!!"
I was in my office, on the phone to the bank and Bacon was playing quietly while I was on hold. She suddenly got up and said "I need to wee". As she was running out she stopped and turned back and said to me "You! Work!"
Bacon not wanting to sleep. "I'm a noc-turtle animal"
At Aroma Cafe, eyeing the feast table, Tomato says to me "Mommy would you like to share a slice of chocolate cake with me?" Very clever!
Tomato sitting on the hot bathroom floor sang at the top of her voice all the words to "I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin bad......" "I wanna be on the cover of Forbes Magazine, standing next to Oprah and the Queen" Again, private schooling fees so well-spent!
Tomato looked at me and said "Mommy I hardly recognised you today, you are looking so beautiful!" Awww
We were on holiday in the Drakensberg and Tomato was not letting up on the fact that she couldn't find the scar on my tummy where she came out so eventually I took a deep breath and told her where she actually came out! I waited for the horror to sink in but it was not what I expected........ she had no problem coming out there but she was mortified about how it must have smelled!!! OMW!
Bacon is learning some cute songs to sing for father's day at school. One of them is to the tune of "My Bonnie lies over the ocean" So I sang her the real version and she was very interested. Later that day she asked me to "sing the bunny song" it took me a while but she thinks Bonnie is Bunny. I explained that it's Bonnie and she looked like she got it but later she said "let's sing the Barney song." Yip when I started singing "I love you, you love me...." she got mad and said "No!! The one where Barney is in the ocean"
Last night Tomato joined me and hubby in bed at around 1am, we're all not very well at the moment. She woke me up at 3am telling me that Lettuce was crying. I got up and she said "you and daddy are snoring so loudly you can't even hear the monitor. I have to do it."
Driving to swimming today Bacon says "what the heck is that tree?"
Tomato realised that the underfloor heating was on in my bathroom. She dropped to the floor and started flailing around, like she was making a snow angel, to warm up!
Tomato tells me that she dropped her water bottle in the toilet at school today. I said "oh yuk we better Jik it when we get home" so she says "No don't worry mommy it still tastes fine!" Lovely and I gave her a huge hello kiss!!
Bacon was very grumpy with a girl who pushed her. She calls her her enemy! I told her that's not nice, then she said that's her name. Took me a while but figured out her name is EMILY!
Interesting question from Tomato (5) in the car this morning: Mommy how nice is it to be you? Makes you think, how nice IS IT to be you?
Tomato (5): Where do you get a baby?
Me: it grows from a seed in your tummy.
T: how does the seed get in your tummy?
Me: Daddy puts it there.
T: Do you swallow the seed?
Me (battling not to laugh): yes.
T: but you just swallow daddy's seed, you don't chew it hey?
OMW!! Haven't stopped laughing since!!
Bacon (2) screaming: "I don't wanna sleep" full tantrum, kicking and screaming. Where is she now? Lying face down on the carpet in her bedroom fast asleep! Parenting is not for sissies!!
It is apparently not only "unasseptable" that I am allowed juice with dinner and Tomato only water but "TOTALLY unasseptable." Said juice was exiting via my nostril after that comment!
Tomato to Bacon "what's that great smell?"
Bacon "the wee in my nappy." (lovely!!)
T: "no the yummy smell"
Wait til they realise it's butternut soup - won't be so great then ;-)
There goes that theory!
Just checked on little Bacon. She was fast asleep sans her fleecy winter PJs which were merrily replaced by her favourite flimsy summer skirt! She was icy.
Bacon is potty training. Sitting on the loo she says "you can't put wee on a doggy" so I agree that would be bad. I pass her the paper to wipe and she refuses because the paper has doggies on it!! Darn good point, why the hell do we have dogs on our toilet paper??
Tomato: "I can't find the tortoise that the gardener saw last week" Me: "It must have decided to go home, he was only visiting" Tomato: "But his home is on his back!" Oops!
Tomato (4):"Our car is so pretty Mommy, nobody else has a rainbow on the back window." Oops! I guess it's time to wash my car!
While we were walking to the pool, me in my sarong, sun hat and cossie, Bacon said
"Mommy you look just like a princess." Tomato stopped dead in her tracks, had a good look at me and said
"You really do Mommy." Thanks sweeties xxx
Bacon (2½): "I need to wipe I've got beefroot on my hands."
Well at least she's eating her beefroot.
Tomato looking all over my stomach "Mommy where is the scar where Bacon and me came out?"
Me "Ummm don't know where it went now....."
Tomato: "Mommy why did the dinosaurs die?"
Tomato: "An asteroid hit the earth and froze everything, silly"
Me: "Oh yes now I remember" *gulp*
Starting with "I eat waterlemon" (read watermelon) this morning, to having my face gently stroked, followed by a noisy looong wet kiss tonight, this mommy is counting her blessings.
"Just getting the knots out" says Bacon brushing my leg. Oops better book that wax
My 5 year old niece sitting on the couch and me leaning over the table to give her a drink: "Aunty Lisa when you lean forward I can see your boobs". Thanks Sweetie!
"What happens if I never get a boyfriend?" not words that I was expecting from my 4 year old Tomato!! She suddenly realised that her daddy is my "boyfriend" not hers!
Note to self: never try to explain date night to a 4 year old. Sneak out like a teenager!
Family nudist camp was open today. Got back from a party, both girls stripped off and REFUSED to get dressed. They then painted each others faces and bums and did a parade for Grandma! Sorry mom, don't know who brought their mother up so badly ;-)
Me "Come on girls it's bed time" Tomato "No thank you Mommy!" Polite rebellion.
I have been spotted licking my knife (by the midget police) and this is VERY naughty. I now have to go to time out because I just don't LISTEN!! Woohoo 39 minutes (1 for each year of my age) on the step without being talked to, not doing anything and nobody is allowed to come near me!! Tomorrow I'm gonna play with matches ;-)
Me to Tomato while I'm digging in my bag for coins "What are you going to wish for in the wishing fountain?"
"A new baby sister called Rainbow!!!"
Me: "Oops sorry sweetie I can't find a single coin! Dodged a bullet there!!
Tomato (4): "Mommy, I want a new baby sister but this time I want a brown one!"
Wonder if she's still gonna call her Rainbow??
4 Year old Tomato to her 2 year old sister while staring out the window
"Isn't it interesting how the Hadedas are big when they're close and get smaller when they fly away."
We better start saving for varsity!!!
We have a story book that I read to the children quite often. It is about Mickey Mouse who is asked by his friend to look after his pet shop while he is away and some of the pets escape and scare a customer but it ends so nicely with Mickey taking a puppy as payment and that puppy is Pluto. Such a cute story. Tomato asks after I finish reading.
"Why is that lady scared of the mice running around the shop?
So I explain that some people don't like mice and although they are harmless, some people just get a fright. I thought I was home free until she said
"Then why isn't she scared of Mickey? He's a mouse!"
I was getting ready for work and had just stepped out of the shower. Tomato arrived and came face to face with my privates. She took one look and said "woof woof" which is the sound she makes when I show her a dog in a story book!!
We were at a funeral for one of my mom's best friends. The minister, coming to the end of his sermon, was saying "ashes to ashes, dust to dust......." Tomato yells out "bye bye!!"