Friday, September 6, 2013

Truth is Stranger than Fiction

Just when I thought I'd seen and heard it all, August 2013 happened! Yes it might be fortuitous of a year ending with the dreaded "13" but I hadn't given it a second thought.  You see my first breath of life took place on a Friday the 13th, many moons ago, so personally I quite like 13.

The month started off a little shaky with Tomato having to have an anesthetic and blood tests and new meds which was a bit traumatic, but shortly thereafter it was my birthday woohoo!!

 [if you're a member of MENSA, at this stage you would have figured out that it was on the 13th].   

Now it is well-documented that it has always been my style to celebrate my birthday for pretty much 2 weeks and this year was no exception.  I was woken with balloons, gifts, cards, hand-drawn pictures and notes of love - how adorable!  I then went on to meet a friend, only to be surprised with a champagne birthday breakfast complete with floating balloons, champagne, a hand-crafted, beautiful cake and more pressies (yay!).  My mom came round later for more birthday celebrations, more cake, more pressies and then hubby took me out for a wonderful birthday dinner. Later in the week I was bought an entire triple chocolate cheesecake (my favourite, the best cake I have EVER tasted) [inbox me if you want the deets, or better yet, call me and I'll go with you ;-) ]   And then the following week we had a group pedicure with champagne and snacks together with ongoing coffee dates with more pressies..... yay yay and more yay!!! 

 Anyway apart from my fabulous 2-week birthday, there were other factors at play in my social circle. I have a friend Yvonne who is probably the nicest, kindest and most generous person known to man (she was responsible for the cheesecake and pedicure, need I say more?)  But what confuses me about living in this weird, complicated, unpredictable world, is why this poor woman has had to endure so much heartache in her life.  August 2013 brought a massive amount of drama and sadness.  Firstly her hubby found out that his granny had late stage ovarian cancer and was sent home to "get her affairs in order", then her young son got an abscess which needed to be removed under anesthetic, then 2 days later her daughter was rushed to hospital with meningitis, every parent's nightmare!

Due to all of the stress her hubby decided to take a couple of days leave to recharge and spend some time with his family.  After shopping at the local hardware a drunk driver hit their new car and attempted to flee.  Yvonne stopped him and after calling her a few choice words that start with "f" and end in "itch", he, wait for it............ he BIT her husband!!!  I was stunned!!  A quick reference to the date confirmed that we are in fact in the 21st century and yet, in order to settle an argument, this person still felt the go-to tactic would be to bite another adult, similar to the nursery-school playground!  The mind boggles! So back to the hospital these poor people trek for hubby to get checked out and to be put on a course of antibiotics and anti-retrovirals as is now the norm due to the 21st century and HIV pandemic.  The poor man is nauseous from the drugs and will only know if his HIV status has changed, from said bite, in 6 months time. Needless to say the man bolted back to the safety of work the following day stating that it was safer to be in his office. But wait!!!!  That's not all!!  No.  Yvonne who was the lone family member who had skirted the hospital came down with bronchitis, and together with an existing heart condition, was put on bed rest.  Of course that didn't stop her dropping off some items at my home and purchasing me a gift!!  Did I mention stupid generous?  When I asked her "how can so many things happen to one family in the space of 10 days?" she replied "to make us stronger."  See?  Told you she was awesome!!  Where does she get this strength from?  People with half her problems would have curled up in the fetal position and waited for 2013 to pass!!

Then moving along swiftly to the final event, which has actually been verified, because I didn't believe it could be true..... wait for the funniest, saddest and downright ludicrous story that you have ever heard, I'm still laughing!!!

A family decided to take their elderly grandmother on holiday to Mocambique.  Unfortunately Granny died while they were there, and after a lot of debate, the family decided the delivery of the body to officials in Mocambique and then the extradition of the body would just be too much of an admin nightmare, so they decided to smuggle Granny through the border post back to SA.  So they wrapped Granny up in a carpet and put her on the roof-racks of the Landy.  After driving through the night to get to the border (with the body as fresh as possible, not in direct sunlight) they managed to get her into SA without too much attention (sounds a bit like Weekend with Bernie). 

Obviously relieved that their plan had worked, the family were calmer and those of you with kids will understand the nagging and whining that happens on a road trip, to stop for food and toilet breaks, so the family stopped to freshen up and refuel (I assume somewhere near Komatie Poort). But when they returned to their vehicle, they found that some residents of the area had been eyeing out the attractive rug strapped to their roof and had taken advantage of the time the family stepped away from the vehicle to steal this carpet, not for an instant suspecting that Granny might be inside!  I can just picture the scene.  And again at the police station after that!!!  Wahahahaha imagine explaining to the rest of the family and best of all, imagine the poor dudes taking the carpet home and flinging it open on their living room floor!!  Really this is a Leon Shuster movie in the making!!  Unfortunately poor Granny is still at large...... *snort*

Well with the end of August also comes the end of winter!  Trees are sprouting, blossoms are forming and t-shirts and shorts are starting to make their long-awaited appearance. Spring has sprung and the marketing machine is hard at work with Christmas items already in stores! Let's hope the run to December is less eventful, but it is still 2013 after all....... so who knows what can happen!